Final Reflections – Answering The Call

I have been back in the United States for a week now. And I continue to try and process everything I saw and did on this mission. It’s been more difficult than I expected.

Last year as a first time medical mission volunteer I saw and did things that changed me from the inside out. In a matter of months, typically a podium-shy person, I found myself sharing the experience over and over to audiences of 20 – 200 people—each time exposing my inner thoughts and feelings with raw emotion but also an insuppressible passion and belief. Within months I redirected my career to something that is more in line with human service for the first time in my life. A fire was lit inside of me in the Philippines and I found myself signed up to raise $50K for a second mission. This time to Karaikal, India. I spent my summer making calls and writing letters trying to help others understand the importance of this kind of service work; I boarded a plane at the end of August having pulled in about $40K of the money. I’m back at it now that I’m home and will finish the job.

Last year, with the team, I overcame obstacles—things I didn’t imagine ahead of the trip—and learned a lot about myself and the human I want to be. This year’s mission has once again left some marked impressions on me. It will take me months to process it, but I do have some initial takeaways.

I have been fortunate to travel all over the world for work and pleasure. India, however, is very unique and offers a lot of personal lessons. Buses, trucks, cars, rickshaws, bicycles, pedestrians, cows, goats, dogs. If it moves it’s in the streets of India – and the honking is constant. This other language of 1-3 short beeps or one long blast of the horning letting others know what to expect. Back home, while the horn is a rarely used accessory there are other features we have that are completely absent here: fists, fingers, and words of open hostility. Anger seems to be our first emotion from the driver’s seat. In nearly three weeks in India, I never witnessed or experienced anger from or by anyone. Not once.

Rather, in this poverty-stricken country, people maintain placid expressions and just keep going. Patience. It’s there and it’s practiced like a religion. We could take a page from this book. The more I’ve reflected on it, the more I believe that anger is a wasted emotion. It accomplishes nothing; it doesn’t improve one’s circumstances; it doesn’t repair relationships or brighten the world. It’s a total waste.

This mission served up a number of challenging situations already documented in blog posts. As my personal mission was to do the best job I could serving the people who came to our clinics for surgical intervention, I had committed myself ahead of time to set aside personal discomfort and try to smile in the face of adversity. But as the long days and the chaos wore on, I found myself wanting to run, to give up. How were we ever going to make a difference with so many people needing our help and amid the crushing poverty? I felt helpless and questioned whether we were making a difference. Shamefully, there were many low moments when I questioned it all.

During the mission and afterwards as I traveled throughout India’s major cities to view its famous monuments and learn about the history, my eyes were tortured with images of people and animals suffering in the most unimaginable ways.Trust me when I say that anything you see on television is watered down so you won’t turn the channel. I saw women burned beyond recognition. A man missing everything from the hips down walking on his hands to make his way in the world. Scrawny children who couldn’t be more than six or seven years old, holding babies on a hip and knocking on my car window trying to smile brightly – hoping to please me into turning over some Rupees. Skinny weary-eyed dogs that could probably never imagine a fresh tennis ball to play with much less in a yard of clean, cut grass. A mouse, one of the tiniest creatures, struggling to stand up in a pile of garbage only to fall short, lay down, and draw its last little breath. I cry writing these things. This is only some of it. What did any of these beings do to deserve these situations? And what did I do to deserve mine? The answer is simple: nothing. It has nothing to do with deserving; it’s purely serendipity—two cells collided on one continent or another and gave us our start in this thing we do called life.

So with so much fortune on our side of the pond how is it that we have such short fuses, can justify being stingy with our lots in life, and generally conserve on doing our part to make others smile?

On the way back into the USA, I witnessed a display of ridiculous proportions. In the SFO airport, a woman threw a first-class fit at a Starbucks counter when her $5 cup of coffee wasn’t hot enough. She put some effort into trying to make that poor barista pay for her mistake, and the woman was committed to doing a thorough job. It made me wonder why we put so much of our time into the things that can make us frown. Having to wait in line for more than a few minutes. A store clerk who makes a mistake while ringing up our merchandise. Slow traffic...or internet connection. Seriously. These are our biggest problems? These are the things to focus on?

On this mission and this trip, I rediscovered the value of a smile. For a person living in the most dire circumstances, someone who doesn’t expect to be noticed or seen, it’s the one thing I learned I could do to show them I could see them, to acknowledge them as fellow human beings. Often I fought through tears to deliver a smile, but it was my one currency. It was what I could give everyone regardless of how tough the circumstances were. And I was rewarded almost every time with a new light in the recipient’s eyes--a recognition--and the return of their best-effort smile. And it felt good. It made me wonder…why don’t I just do this more? It’s free and easy to do.

Service is easy too. But it does require one action: a choice. It’s not always money. It can be our time; it can be a portion of our excess donated to someone who can use a hand-up. The economic, environmental, and other challenges in India continue to overwhelm me. As mentioned before, I’ve traveled a fair amount. However, never before have I seen such extremes in poverty and wealth so proximate to each other. It’s mind boggling. I’ve found myself thinking about giving up on India – is it possibly a lost country?  As I’ve tried to coax the worst images from my every waking moment, I’ve realized that I am human and imperfect. While there’s no shame in the weak thoughts of giving up, there is shame in the action of doing it.

Last year I was fortunate to be able to spend the time and money to try something I thought was a "good cause." It turned out to be the most fulfilling and the most painful thing I’ve ever done. While it will take me time to muster up the strength to do it again after this India mission, I know every one of our human brothers and sisters deserves a chance. We cannot give up despite the challenges, the unending need; there is always hope. As time heals my heart, I will endeavor to put more effort on a few key things: patience -- be slower to anger; smiles -- dole them out more freely; and hope -- cling to it because the world depends on it.

It all started with a call. I was fortunate enough to hear the call not once, but twice. I can count two decisions among my best in life: to answer the call the first time and to not hang up on the second one despite the emotional and physical hardships on this latest mission. In time, I will answer the call again. I hope you find a way to hear your call and answer it.

Thank you for joining me on this journey and for your support as I continue to evolve. LT